i am just checking in.

i knew that staying away from the scene would be hard. but i didn't know that staying away would be so easy once i did it. neither did i know that the realization that staying away is easy would be hard on me. i worry sometimes if the changes that i assume are happening in my absence will be too alienating when i come back. the last time i came out to jus words i looked around at a group of people that, but for some few precious exceptions, were strangers to me. the feeling of belonging was not there. i don't even think i got on the list to get on the mic the last few times i came out. i forced myself to be an outsider. and so here i am, outside.

those who were closest to me before i cloistered myself know what i'm doing. i'm on my grind. studying for an important life changing test for my job. i honestly was supposed to be doing this last year, but i still wasn't ready. i needed some time with my people to get myself together - to
get a handle on my passions and my priorities. i needed the open mics and the concerts. i needed to hang out in the studio, co-signing for others' creative processes. i needed to pour my heart out on paper and on the mic and on the radio show. i needed to blog the nuances of my growth
process, live in technicolor, sharing wonder in the world as i see it with complete strangers. i needed the cd release parties, the trips to harlem, and i definitely needed the long conversations about the state of our art forms, our purpose as writers and performers, and how to get that purpose fulfilled. i needed that so much in my life - to feel the pulse of belonging to
a community. i think that for many of us, myself included, our sense of community is stifled. we don't know our neighbors. we have no meaningful connections with the people on the bus or the children playing in the street. our co-workers or classmates are secondary in our life's cast of characters. what meaningful friendships many of us have at this point are strained by the burdens of distance or the scarcity of quality time. yet through our shared passions for the shared word, we share the bond of community. reverence for creativity. passion for the various expressions of life. i had been searching for that my whole life. once i got my hands on it, it was too hard last year for me to let it go.

then things started to change for me. did you ever wonder how your relationship with a relative might be different if you weren't related? like maybe you would be more forgiving and openminded with each other because you would lack the familiarity that tempts you to be critical of that
relative and their motives? i don't think necessarily that familiarity breeds contempt. i do suspect, however, that sometimes familiarity saps forgiveness. as time wore on, i began to feel less fulfilled by my community, because my perspective changed. as i spent more time around the venues, i became less forgiving of their shortcomings. my attitude towards things changed. my hunger for something new and different gnawed at me. at first i waited for things to change as i
was changing. then i became frustrated that that didn't happen. it took a little over a year from the first time i read my poetry in a venue to get disillusioned, to get writer's block, to lose my affection for sharing myself in the community. it enabled me to look at my career and resolve to
build it. my thought was, 'we ain't going nowhere that i can't find. this art will always be here for me.' it made going into hermit mode a possible and sustainable action.

i worry though. i don't see anybody. i rarely hear from anybody. i'm aching for the next writerblocks issue. it troubles me that we don't post to the boards anymore. it hurt me to discover that sam released a cd and i missed it. that chris cream and rhapsodE and others have had shows and that i didn't even know about it until afterwards - that i didn't rush out and plunk down some money and cheer them on, as i once was ever so ready to do. i remain convicted in finishing what i started - both with taking and conquering this test several months from now AND with supporting the words that come from my community - from my friends - because i do still need you. the world needs you. life is fast paced. we are all paying bills, we are all striving for something. but there's simply something about the process of getting from here to there that can be disconcerting at times. cue the silver lining behind the clouds.

i miss you.

glory

we miss you too.

Time is ticking - so do you...we know your heart.

make us proud sis

unfortunately, I think a lot of people have experienced the very thing you described (dissillionment, being unfulfilled, etc.) The art of spoken word is very powerful and transforming. But it can drain you to be the person everyone wants you to be rather than the authentic you. no one can go to an open mic every night. no one can support every project. and because we build these relationships with people who are in our circle, we miss them when we don't get out. and we feel like we are missing something when we don't get out. and sometimes it hurts because we miss the people we've grown close to and we miss the energy, the vibe, the love. but it's hard to reconcile a full work schedule, family, school, god, relationships, writing, traveling, and community all within the limited parameters of time that we have. i'll always remeber a quote from dr. phil (i know) in which he said that "priorities are what we spend our time doing." so if preparing to make a bigger step in your career is a priority, we all have tio understand and support that and not be selfish enough to want to see glory on the open mic set. as much as we love you and miss you, we also need you to be happy, healthy, and successful. so stay on your grind and get it done. we support you and stand witrh you inyour decision. the open mic scene will always be here. and even if it's not, your passion for writing will still burn deep within your soul.

i was just thinking of you the other day glory...i miss you too...and it's a treat to see you when i do...

but do what you have to do...make us proud...

thanks everybody for your encouragement and understanding.

my test is tomorrow and wednesday. if you pray, please keep me in mind.

ahhh.... relief

gee,
everyone should understand your quest to do what is necessary to bring fulfillment to your life in a way that is personal to YOU!
i personally would not want to see an unfulfilled glory on the scene or even pass me on the street.
life takes prescedence(?) over art.
do you. i'll see you when you get done doin' you.
BTW, my cd REAL RADIO is aight, but it aint ALL DAT!

This letter could easily be about anyone who needs to step back and take care of business. Sometimes Life is fast and it will throw you a cinder block that you gotta somehow make a three point shot with, but you get it done. Everyone goes through periods where they have to step back, away from what they're doing, and say 'Is this it or is there more?' It's not always an easy decision, but trust and believe the word will always be around to receive you. More power to you sis.

as always, thanks, all.

i've been done for two weeks now and still have yet to feel like running around again. i never thought i would hesitate, but i keep lunching... ultimately, it will be love and nostalgia that gets me in the door.

GLORY FROM TIME TO TIME YOUR NAME WOULD COME UP...WHERE IS GLORY WHERE IS SUCH AND SUCH.ALWAYS KNEW YOU BE DOING SOMETHING PROGRESSIVE.OUR COMMUNITY NEEDS CHANGE BADLY FOR ONE WHO STAY IMMERSED IN BOTH I SEE HOPE AND DEPAIR OFTEN. SOMETIMES BEING AROUND LESS ENLIGHTEN PEOPLE WHO ARE APATHETIC FOR GROWTH MAKES ME HUNGER FOR THE OPEN MIC.THEN NEGATIVTY OR JUST PLAIN B S SURFACES THERE.LIFE IS EBBS AND FLOWS.SO WE RIDE IT SEARCHING FOR PEACE OF MIND AND LOVE.IT IS HARD BUT STAY BLESS.