...Do I really want children? Will the sacrifice be appreciated?

2 stories:
#1 About a week ago, I was speaking with a good friend of mine who is married. I hadn't seen him in a while. While we were in conversation, someone interrupted to congratulate him on his growing family. I was impressed because his wife looks fabulous for that number of children. I said that to him (his wife was not there). He says "but it only takes one to ruin the figure"

#2 Two days later another friend of mine had a good time partying it up in the strip clubs down south. He kept commenting about how their bodies were perfect, "no stretch marks". *He is also a very good father.

I walked away thinking to myself...Wow...is the sacrifice a woman makes to carry a child unappreciated? What has more value: me being perfect and sexy OR me giving birth to your child? Bringing a new life into this earth?

I just started reflecting on a lot of things lately...and where I'm at right now...I wonder, do I want children? If I do, should I just go into it with the preset mindset that chances are this might not work out and accept that he might trail off...and I have a high chance of being a single mother? Or maybe...I should just start late at 35 to 40 or something when everything starts to change physically anyway (I know the health risks are higher, but its being done more with more success) - and yes, I know i may sound selfish, and shallow, but these feelings and thoughts are real.

I do think to myself, "Why bother?" I'm at the point now, that the only reason I would ever have children is because I'm a woman and it's a special gift from God to be able to bear them. But the whole peaches and cream fairytale, just might not be something to base things on anymore.

your thoughts?
experiences?

Ummm....let's not say selfish, just cautious. Hahaha. Yeah those feelings are no doubt real. Those are some of the things I thought about when I found out I was pregnant. I was like 'Damn and I was sooooooooo bikini ready.' Sometimes I look at my daughter and say 'Nia Pi I usta be one bad lady. You don't even know.' Then she looks over with a blank stare and I just have to laugh. My daughter doesn't care what I look or looked like. My husband on the other hand thinks I'm sexier now than when we first met. I don't really get it myself but I think just the fact that I carried our child is sexy to him. Pregnancy is different for every woman. My favorite part of it was the end. Hahaha. I hated being pregnant but I lovvvvvvvvvveeeee the perfect prize I got at the end. Every persons pregnancy and every child is different. For me it was one of those things in life that's just as ugly as it is beautiful. It takes alot out of a woman to get a baby here. You learn alot about yourself along the journey though.

hmmmmm. my 1st thought is not to do it becuase you're 'supposed' to. society is changing, a woman can have a fulfilling life w/o having kids and be accepted by society. so no, you're not being selfish. wait until you know you're ready. in the meantime, continue being that cool ass auntie.

everyone's body is different. take a look at your mom and the other women in your family - that will give you an idea of how your body will be during and after. however like M.A.P. said, it also depends on how you treat your body.

in my experience of meeting men after my divorce...no one has ever said that they didn't want to deal with me b/c of my stretch marks. and trust and believe, no man wants to make a stripper their child's mother no matter how bad their body is.

when i was pregnant with alyssa, i HATED it. i was 20, and like whisper, bikini ready. i went from 130 to 195, i was miserable. but because of her birth and the joy she brought me, i couldn't wait to have another child, and i celebrated my pregnancy with tiny (even though i was still fat and my nose spread.) and my husband wanted me just the same...

I just felt upset that these two guys didn't seem to appreciate what the women had gone through to have their babies. I didn't like hearing the criticism. It made me feel resentment.

I do appreciate ya'll being real with me though.

Deep in my heart, I want children. Especially a son. I just feel like ugh, I might have some very unkind words to say to a brother that has the audacity to comment on a woman's body changes after the baby.

Alyson I agree. I don't think you can really understand the magnitude w/o having the experience. +

I GUESS OR WONDER AS A MAN SHOULD I EVEN HAVE INPUT. BUT AT RISK OF BEING ON THE HOTSEAT LIKE WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT BEING A WOMAN OR BEARING CHILDREN I WILL JUST TRY TO BE HONEST. I SPENT MOST OF THE TIME TRYING TO CONVINCE HER I WAS STILL REALLY ATTRACTED TO THE MOTHER OF MY CHILDREN AFTER SHE HAD GIVE BIRTH TO OUR CHILDREN. HER ISSUE WAS THE WAY SHE FELT ABOUT HERSELF. I LOVED HER BEFORE AND AFTER CHILDBIRTH. SHE WAS UNCOMFORTABLE ABOUT HER OWN BODY.YET WOULD NOT DIET OR WORKOUT. YES I LOOKED T OTHER WOMEN WHO HAD GREAT SHAPES BUT TRUST ME I LOVED AND WANTED HER DEEPLY.SHE WAS MY WIFE AND THE MOTHER OF MY CHILDREN AND THAT IS .....HOT

are you just trying to score brownie points with us?



just kidding.

well. you 3 gentlemen are enlightened. many men, do not understand why women can't get back to their previous body when actresses and supermodels do it all of the time. they think that it's easy. they don't understand that them shedding their 10 lbs of beer weight is completely different from us shedding our pregnancy weight.

also, men don't understand that the body that was so readlily all 'theirs' pre-pregnancy, they can't call first dibs to during or after pregnancy.

and personally, i prefer the calluses. let's me know that my man works...

I wasn't going to say a word on this because I'm a guy and I know that there is nothing in this entire world which could make me understand. However, I am seriously shocked that not one female mentioned how shallow some of these reasons appear to be.

I do not understand why your aesthetics should ever be considered in something as important as bringing a child into this world. Again, I am not a woman and I will never understand. But shallow is shallow.

If your "shape" is ever a concern in your decision process of whether or not to have children, let me help you out. YOU ARE NOT MATURE ENOUGH TO HAVE KIDS ! If your " man still being attracted to you" is ever a concern in your decision process of whether or not to have children, let me help you again. YOU ARE NOT MATURE ENOUGH TO HAVE KIDS !

Children are the single greatest gift in this world. If you have any hesitation about accepting that gift ( unless you're hesitating that you might not be worthy or ready) don't have children!

Because if you think for a second that children might effect you negatively. be it " your shape" or " your career" or " your relationship with your man". You are selfish and immature. ( Nothing wrong with that, we all were/are at any given time in our lives) So DON'T HAVE CHILDREN!!!