The latest issue of Essence (Mo'Nique cover) is pretty good. There is an in-depth article on why some brothas cheat. They did a roundtable on the subject and talked to all different types of people across the country (a married man who cheats, a woman who purposely seeks out committed men for the thrill of making them go against their commitment, a reformed player, a players daughter, and a faithful man that raises his sons to respect women, and various professors).

They were saying with the incredible shortage in black men, that its almost impossible for a man to be monogamous among such a wide range of talented beautiful black women. Some hinted that sistahs need to widen their options by dating outside of their race.

Here were some highlights:

- One woman talked about her grandfather and father. She said she believes the faithful brother/s is out there but all the men in her family were not. She talked about her 70+ year old grandfather's funeral. There was an 8 year old boy that got up to speak...no one knew him and he was saying the man was his father. It was a surprise to everyone, even his widow.

- Another story about an old couple in a nursing home and the old man had contracted syphliss and his wife who was also in the nursing home later went blind in one eye

- One married man said that he wouldn't feel sane at the thought of no other woman touching his body for the rest of his life. He siad that in 7 years of his marriage he has been with at least 15 other women. He says he is a good husband and provider. He said the main thing is to not let any relationships form.

-One woman who seeks out committed men said that black men cannot be monogamous. She said they start off they way, but all you have to do is get them to "share their emotions and listen to them" and then sex follows. She says married men need "a game plan to navigate this landscape of unattached fly women". She said the black male shortage has created inflated egos in brothers and their value in women has diminished

- another man who is a reformed player and happily committed, said he was done playing the field after catching chlamydia twice and 4 of his buddies catching HIV. He is thankful to be married and wouldn't trade it for the world

- One brotha was a single father and raising his sons to respect women. His story was really positive and I believe there are more men in this world like him.

- Marc Lamont Hill was in a roundtable with other professors and said something about monogamy being even harder if a sistah wants an educated black man

At the end of the article, I had a lot more respect for the committed couples that I know and the good brothers that I know. I know that its rough out here but I do believe some people take it seriously.

Some have said that the article did not get beneath the surface of why black men cheat. The article did point out three primary reasons: supply and demand, physical attraction, and being bored with one.

The article did not address issues like:
-people growing apart
-infidelity by the woman
-insecurities
-unfulfillment

I still think it was a good read.

I don't read Essence, but from the articles you've posted and mentioned, it seems that they have a really bad habit of making it seem that black folks have a monopoly on certain problems that in reality plague all races.

Black men cheat for the same reasons that men of any other race cheat. People may cheat because of emotional, personality, or relationship issues - but they aren't cheating because of a shortage of black men.

A few guys I know seem to have this same reaction to Essence. They may think its ghetto, one-sided, one dimensional and so on.

There was a time where I didn't care for Essence (when Time Warner bought them out and I saw a change in the writing), but lately, I've been finding the articles more interesting and necessary. I don't agree that black men cheat for the same reasons other races do because they don't share the same ratio disparities among women and men.

there's no standard answer for why people do anything, especially something as complex as cheating. i don't think men consciously say to themselves, "hey, there's a man shortage. i'm going to get all the sex i can because we're in short supply." obviously, there's some level of unfulfillment otherwise, there would be no need to pursue anyone else. some of it is just greed, selfishness, and immaturity. we aren't always able to see the value of what we have in pursuit of "booty." women always have options. you can say, no, i won't be involved with you because you're seeing someone else, or you're married. and men have a responsibility to be honest. if you are married and just down with getting your freak on, tell the sista that instead of lying to her. if she's down with just getting her freak on, she'll let you. if not, she'll let you know. either way, it will save you some trouble in the long run. and the reality is- there's no such things as "no strings attached". there's always strings. it may start off just as a casual thing, but someone is going to develop feelings. and consequently, someone may get hurt in the process. as far as the man shortage, i don't subscribe to that philosophy because i believe there is somebody out here for all of us. check your standards. if you say that you will only date a brotha with a collge degree who makes six figures, you're limiting your options. at the same time, make sure that you have it together so that when you meet that brotha, you are the sista he's looking for. it's easy to say there's a man shortage or nobody meets my standards, when the reality is you may not be meeting someone else's standards. if we buy into the mentality that there's a man shortage, then you act on the panic that sets in when you start believing there's nobody out here for me so i have to settle for . . .