i need your help on this - especially from the guys...

i've been dating this guy exclusively for almost 8 months. we're 'friends' and we're both honestly enjoying each other and building our friendship and stregthening that relationship. i can date other people as can he, but both of us are happy with each other where we are so we don't. i definitely don't treat him like i've treated other 'friends with benefits' and vice versa because there could be something more.

here's my dilemma...i feel like as a woman, i should want to slap an offical label on what we have..but i don't want that. i'm happy wuith where we are. i don't feel the need to say 'he's my boyfriend.' but, other people are starting looking at me kind of funny because i maintain that i'm single (at best i call him my 'pseudo boyfriend.) and i'm beginning to wonder if by wanting to keep things moving like they are, i appear to be unmotivated, uncaring, unfeminine, and uninterested. which is not the case. but those of you that know me know that i am the one with the 'dudish tendancies' so therefore i like to check myself from time to time. what do you think?

(oh, and if this doesn't make sense, please forgive me but i'm typing at work and i don't have time to edit.)

too bad Im the first to reply (come on guys - what do you think?)

I think some guys will run when a label is issued. While others might find it affectionate.

I would wait for him to use it first. After a year...then maybe you can test a label out, lol

i figure that if you're not pressed to use a label, and he's not pressed to use a label, then there is no issue. i think that as long as y'all are comfortable, it's all good. at some point, if one of you wants to call it something, that's another matter altogether.

The purpose of a label is to make it easier for people to understand what 'it' is. If no label seems to fit, you two understand whatever 'it' is, and you're not worried about your friends understanding it, then you shouldn't feel pressed to label it.

BUT, reading what you wrote, what stood out to me was "i can date other people as can he, but both of us are happy with each other where we are so we don't." If you are happy where you are, why tell people you are single a.k.a. available? If you are both happy where you are, could you really date other people without the other person being bothered? Whenever I've been "happy where I am" with a girl, I know it would have bothered me if she started dating other people and vice versa.

There's nothing unmotivated, uncaring, unfeminine, or uninterested about being in a monagamous relationship with someone you care about - which is what this sounds like. No, you shouldn't feel pressured to slap a label on it, but at the same time, calling a thing what it is tends to help avoid unneccesary and unpleasant complications.

Keeping it real.....my was my friend for a longgggggg time. My girls called it what they wanted. My sisters called him brother-in-law before I even affectionately called him 'Babe'. I wasn't interested in their opinion. I was more interested in when I felt comfortable enough to verbally declare his status as he did mine. I don't think that's unfemine or a 'dude like tendancy'. Why do we confuse strength of opinion or strength period in women for a 'dude like tendacy'? Hmmmm I might have to write that down for the next tea. Anydamnways, if you feel like you need to, establish boundaries. That's what labels imply anyways. So many give a label without establishing what the label means to them as individuals or the expectations associated with the label. Sure it's comfortable to throw up the 'we ain't together'. That way you can still seem detached when it's obvious that you are not. Decide where you want to go and proceed at your own pace.

thanks whisper...